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Congrats on your engagement!  If your new fiancée is anything like mine he knows you well and had a chilled bottle of champagne ready and waiting at the site where he proposed.  If not, don’t worry he has plenty of time to learn.

Now is the time that you are excitedly calling friends and family and telling them the good news, don’t worry if you are slurring a bit, they will think it is simply excitement and happy tears.  They will all ask you questions quicker than you can answer “How did he propose?  Was it romantic?  Did you cry? What does the ring look like?”  Now I recommend having a prepared speech to answer all of these questions, if you are not good at remembering stuff (especially after a few) then write it on a note card in big letters and keep it with your cell.  Oh and by the way, as soon as you get engaged call your mobile provider and immediately upgrade your minutes.  I promise you will use them up quicker this year than you ever thought possible.  No one told me this and a three hundred dollar AT&T bill later I was regretting my two hour catch-up gab fest with my best friend from high school I hadn’t spoken to in three years!!!

Once all the preliminary conversations are done, the next question will invariably be “Have you guys set a date yet?”  This was a shocker to me since I got this question when I called my best friends and family literally minutes after I said yes.  Now while your first instinct might be to tell them all to calm the fuck down and let you enjoy your first hours of newly engaged bliss, remember that these people are going to be buying you lots of presents soon and women hold grudges (don’t look at me like that, you know you do!)  It is wiser to just deflect the question or even better give them an arbitrary answer like “Spring or Fall of next year”  That gives you like a six month window and no one is going to hold you to this later anyway.

Setting the Date

Now when it comes down to actually setting a date I do have some very strong opinions. All the books will tell you that there are merits to a long or short engagement: a long engagement allows for more time to plan and less stress, while a short one keeps you from having enough time to obsess about every small detail.  Now what I am going to tell you is the honest truth that no magazine dares to write.  If you announce your engagement and set the date for less than four months away, everyone will assume that you are preggers.  Four months or less and you could conceivably still not be showing at the ceremony and who wants to walk down the aisle to whispers and bets as to your due date.  If you are knocked-up, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with it, but don’t think that no one will notice (and please don’t follow my drinking advice.)  Hey, it may be because you are so excited you want to jump right into your new life together, but I am just saying your third cousin who never really liked you anyway is going to be spreading rumors that you have been getting sick in the mornings lately (don’t worry, we know it’s the flu!)

That said, if you announce the engagement and then wait and wait and wait to set any kind of a date people will just get bored of asking you and move on to caring about the next friend to get proposed to.  I think that a semi-long engagement is great to get to know your future hubby even better and to have plenty of time to plan, but really if it has been two years with no date in sight it people start to wonder.    Those are just my thoughts, but if you truly didn’t care what anybody thought you’d be on your way to Reno right now (It’s cheaper than Vegas and remember you don’t care what anyone thinks!)

I feel that a perfect amount of time is between six months and a year and a half.  I personally wound up with a fourteen month window from engagement to wedding, which is longer than I would have originally wanted but I am getting married in DC and everything books up quickly.  That is another thing to consider: if you are getting married in a city that is really popular for weddings and other special events, or are planning from a distance, tack on an extra three or four months to avoid major stress.  But then again, if you are flexible with your date and location you will probably be able to find something you will be happy with.

Just a couple more thoughts on setting a date- if you have a really special date in mind like the day you met or your parents anniversary that is all fine and well but don’t get your heart set on it.  First of all I saw the whole parent anniversary thing in a book and I was thinking to myself that I would be mega pissed if my daughter stole my thunder, especially when it gets around to being my 40^th wedding anniversary when it is like her 4^th.  And the day you met may wind up falling on a Wednesday or something, which is great if you are trying to limit the guest list and the whole point is to get people not to want to come.

As far as picking major holidays I am extremely against this unless you know that you are so awesome that you will throw the greatest party people have ever seen and it will be worth it for them to sacrifice their Halloween, New Years, or St Patrick’s Day to celebrate your nuptials.  The last thing you want is guests saying that they would rather have been drinking green beer and cheap champagne from an old Scream mask.  As far as Valentines day- Please Don’t!!!!! Everyone there that has a significant other will be just wishing that they were alone with that person getting it on and the single people at the wedding will be getting enormously drunk and either crying in the corner (bad) or trying to hit on every person there including your female minister(funny but still bad!)

Now a word on picking off-dates to save you money: it is true that if you get married on a Saturday things will be more expensive but there is a reason…because it is so much better for all of your friends and family!  No one has to take off work to make it there or hop on a plane directly after to be back on Monday. Yes I know this is all about you, but if you don’t care about the enjoyment of the people you are asking to share this day with you then why bother asking them to come.

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